Hangin’ with Anjelah Johnson!

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I am very grateful to have met the super-talented Anjelah Johnson recently at a church here in Southern California! She is a super sweet and kind individual who shared her story about success and how spirituality played an important part in her life! It definitely gave me a lot of inspiration and fuel to finish up my college degree and pursue this path of stand-up comedy and bringing positivity and happiness to others!

 

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We’re Not Saving The Planet With Earth Day.


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Earth has been around for billions of years, and our species for just a few thousand. So it’s a bit interesting that Earth Day has only been around for less than 50 years. It seems like it took us a while to realize the importance of the earth, but anyway today is Earth Day- and with this blog, while it isn’t my intention to criticize the good intentions of people today who are planting tree saplings, some extreme pseudo-environmentalists need to be put in check.

Now I’m all for celebrating Earth Day, cleaning up the earth and giving it respect, but what I have a severe problem with are people who take this idea to the extreme: pretentious environmental green-friendly “crusaders” who think they are doing a service to humanity and SAVING THE PLANET by shopping with their reusable handbags for organic licorice and recycled, biodegradable toilet paper. And if you don’t, you’re beneath them and responsible for destroying the planet..

…are you f***** kidding me right now?

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It’s one thing to acknowledge that we’ve hugely screwed up our habitat by ripping holes into the ozone layer, flushing gallons of nuclear waste and oil into the ocean, while deforesting thousands of acres daily for fast food corporations to raise and farm their cattle. But instead of accepting that we’ve messed up a lot more than we can fix and acting with humility, we take pride and reward in doing things we should be doing from a long time ago.

Similar to how a heart-patient takes his diet more seriously after his first heart attack, peace and respect for the earth didn’t become a priority until many people realized that it would cost us the demise of our own species. So basically, Earth Day was created out of a selfish need  for self-preservation. I can’t say I disagree with that notion.

Long before Earth Day came into existence, there were many people who cared about the earth and respected it. Case in point, the Indigenous people of the Americas. Way before colonization from the British and Spanish, many of these now-extinct groups were known to exist in harmony with nature. Today, nearly all those people are wiped out like just every other virtually extinct animal species on the planet. In fact, about 20 species from this planet are becoming extinct each day, independent of how we act towards Earth. There’s no exact cause for it, but just as each species that has come into existence on this planet, they will eventually die out. We as humans are not separate from this chain, and like most guests who have disrespectfully and overstayed their welcome, our host will have to kick us out sooner or later.

We’re not saving the planet with Earth Day. If anything, we’re just doing a little house cleaning until the next species arrives to take our place. Until then, let’s be kind to one another and share ideas while we zip around the Sun in our high-speed blue-green planetary spaceship.

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Duck Dynasty’s Phil Robertson More Popular Than Elmer Fudd

photo (3)When I was about seven, Elmer Fudd was the funniest, most interesting, and only popular duck hunter on television. And it remained that way up until recently, when “Duck Dynasty’s” Phil Robertson’s anti-gay marriage comment shot his network’s show and his popularity up by the millions overnight. Crazy, right?

Maybe. But what’s crazy is how many people were shocked that a reality show would do something controversial —  most reality shows rely HEAVILY on controversy to increase money and popularity a la The Kardashians. Many news channels and online articles (cough cough) are trying to publicize his remarks, but where exactly is the surprise and controversy? We can’t really expect an uneducated, conservative duck hunter to be shouting open-minded liberal beliefs, right?

Wait …he has a Master’s Degree? WHAT?! 

I find this to be the most interesting and funny fact about this ordeal: an old, well-educated, anti-gay marriage duck hunter. I mean, there are many well-educated people against gay marriage who support conservative beliefs …like, most of our Congress members. But what does this really say about our educational system? The most important thing to take away from this incident is that education alone doesn’t teach people about being good humans; that is something we learn through personal experience. Clearly the educational system lacks this sort of enrichment, because there is no monetary profit from people interacting with each other. But there is profit in school fees, book fees, and anti-homosexual comments on a network show.

So basically what I’m saying is that the educational system  is more efficient in creating obedient workers devoid of worldly human experience. And that Elmer Fudd will always be my favorite duck hunter because he didn’t care about anyone’s sexual orientation.

Weekly Q&A: What’s something you should always keep in your car?

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An AK-47. These actually aren’t too difficult to get, and cost about seven Benjamins at the black market. There’s nothing greater than your safety, so having a very reliable assault rifle that is effective against people who cut you off and slow Asian women drivers is totally worth it. A great alternative is the MP5K which has virtually no recoil, making it perfect for close-quarters combat with those unexpected carjackers, annoying backseat drivers, or those irritating bugs that keep flying through your open window. But if you’re looking for something a little more handy for crowd control, then look no further than the laser-guided M202A2 multi-missile launcher to clear up those assholes causing the traffic jam up ahead. Thanks for the question paranoid-driver!

Like my response? “Like” my page: http://fb.com/itsjayram

Weekly Q&A: When is it appropriate to fart in front my significant other?

I question you as a person gastricwarrior. Well, it depends on how long you’ve known the person. If you’re both between the one and six month dating period, it’s a bit risky so definitely hold it in. At about six months to a year, you could try out test farts to see if they can feel the “nature of the beast,” but I would still advise against it. I would wait until you guys have been going out for at least fifty years or more, when you and your significant have lost the motor skills to control flatulence, because otherwise it’s NEVER okay to unleash your gassy wrath in front of anyone. It’s rude!Fart Q&A Pic That’s why you save it for people you hate in elevators. Have a nice day!

Have a question? Ask me here!

Weekly Q&A: How Do I Stop Procrastinating??

This week’s anonymous question was submitted by luvalaf. If you’d like to submit a question, you can find the page here.

Chemistry or Cute Animals? The Struggle Is Real.
Chemistry Exams Or Cute Animals? The Struggle Is Real.

A: What makes procrastination so difficult is that most of us would rather do nothing than work. NOTHING! Now add in cat videos on YouTube, checking Groupon deals in email, and a myriad of other social media options and it seems like all hope is lost. But, the important thing to remember is that procrastination is a habit, and habits are difficult yet very possible to change, and all change begins from within. Make the commitment to yourself to improve your life, and make small adjustments daily and good things will follow. Why not start today? 😉

Weekly Q&A: What Is The Best Way To Enjoy Stinky Tofu?

This week’s question comes from Foodie411. If you enjoy reading, ask an anonymous question here!

Q: What is the best way to enjoy stinky tofu? And what does it smell like?

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Stinky tofu is usually sold in open-air night markets because of its strong stench.

A: The biggest problem with eating stinky tofu is the horrid smell. The best way to get rid of the stench is by immediately throwing that shit away, and then slapping yourself for almost eating garbage. The night when I tried it, most of the people in line were either drunk or eating it as a dare. As for the second part of the question, I think the best way to express my disgust is through video — so stay tuned this week for my stinky tofu rant!

Weekly Q&A: Five Ways to Hang With A $20

This week’s question comes from Yesy A. If you’d like to ask a question, you can find the link here.

Q: What’s the best way to spend $20, but still have an awesome night with friends?

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A: An awesome night with friends for just $20? How about Taco Tuesday night at a midget strip club in Mexico? There are many factors to consider: the area where people live, transportation, social preferences of the individual, etc. So I’ll cover the top five ways to pick up a date in $20:

1) Food: I would go Asian. Vietnamese sandwiches, Taiwanese dumplings, Chinese noodles; even though you’ll gain calories faster than you can say “carbohydrates,” going to any area with a predominantly Asian population will tend to have very cheap, delicious and affordable food. The only drawbacks might be the language barrier and sanitation laws, but hey! Who’s up for an adventure? Check out some of my food reviews to get some ideas.

2) Beverages:  If you’re looking for a little sugar to sweeten up your conversation, some expensive-ass Starbucks will do the trick. I also recommend going to a boba (squishy tapioca ball drink) shop like Tastea, Lollicup, or some “hole-in-the-wall.” Those places tend to be open later (and a littler cheaper too).

3) Entertainment: Dollar theaters. On certain days however, regular theaters will play new movies for a discounted price. I personally love these, and you can find out about them on your smartphone app or that ancient relic called a newspaper. Knowledge is power, especially on a budget.

4) Entertainment #2: Comedy shows. The ones that give free tickets, and usually a two-item food minimum. So technically you’re paying for the show, but that’s where the drawback ends. If you go to a comedy show where good comics are performing, you pretty much get a meal, drinks (depending on what you buy) and about an hour and half to two hours of solid, live comedy.  Oh did I mention I’m also a stand-up comic? You can check out and like my page here: my super awesome page-thing.

5) Random: Gas money. Use those $20 bucks, fill up 1/16th of your gas tank, and go on adventure! To the beach, the aforementioned midget strip club, or just cruising. The best thing right now, during the holidays, is checking out the lights and holiday decorations!

Remember, it’s not as important what you do but who you do. I mean, who you do it with! Money should only enhance the hangout, but not be the crux of it. So what do you think? Have a “hole-in-the-wall” place you’d like to share? Love, hate, or have an addendum for my list?  Let me know in your comments below!