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Mother’s Day Madness

Nervous and excited to be the ONLY GUY speaking at the Mother’s Day celebration at City Hall this week! 😉 Shouts out to all the responsible mothers left who don’t ditch their kids to take club selfies! And speaking of mothers and selfies…

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The LA County Fair Is A Standard Affair

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I used to spend Sundays sleeping in and detoxing my system from partying the previous night. But today I’m detoxing a deep-fried Snicker’s bar from the LA County Fair instead of alcohol! And comparatively speaking, I think booze would be healthier and cheaper than some of the LA County Fair’s food offerings. Some of the novelty things I tried were chocolate-covered bacon (which tastes exactly like it sounds) and the aforementioned deep-fried Snicker’s bar, which is melted chocolate and nuts battered in a heart attack. The biggest disappointment was Pink’s Hot Dogs. Ask yourself this: “Would I really like to waste an hour of my life waiting in line to spend an extra $10 on a grocery store-quality hot dog?” You can get the same thing for almost 1/10 the price and waiting time at Costco! The food was pretty expensive, which is standard fare for a fair, and the only thing worth the $19 entry is the petting zoo. Sheeps galore! As for food offered there, King Taco is probably the most delicious Mexican food I’ve had, but you don’t have to pay the admission fee to get your hands on some. Just go to the stand-alone restaurants in LA. As for the (burned) bacon-wrapped Turkey leg … let’s just say I didn’t eat all of it as my picture above illustrates! Trust me on this, the Orange County Fair is much more fun overall than LA’s.

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Fat Kids Get Picked Last

I was a fat kid in middle school, but not the fattest. She was in special ed, and had down syndrome. Teachers deemed it inappropriate to make fun of her, so the class defaulted to me for the butt end of their jokes. Did I mention I was brown too? Fat, round and brown. Yup. So technically being the fattest kid in school, you get picked last for team sports such as flag football, volleyball, or basketball. My time to shine came once a year, when we played tug-of-war. People would punch throats and wish death on their mothers if they didn’t get me — okay it wasn’t that intense – and I felt important for about a week. Then the other fifty-one weeks of the year, I was “round-brown” again. In many ways, we have that fat kid inside who values recognition, and maybe an occasional Snicker’s Ice Cream bar. I guess the point I’m trying to make here is that I wasn’t the fattest kid in school.

“Drooling Daisy” died of diabetes the following year because she consumed concealed candy kids kept from teachers.